I’m 48 years old.  I’m a mother of eight, and have seven grandchildren.  Basically I did a lot of running in my life.  I was always interested in the fast life.  I ran the streets and I did a lot of clubbing.  I got messed up in drugs; I guess I was curious.  I didn’t go to school, but I was always curious.  When I got involved in substance use, mainly it was crack. I smoked and I also sold it.  At that time my family had custody of my children. I was just hard-headed and stubborn. 

I didn’t think I had a problem with anything.  My brother was a counselor and he used to take me over and over again to detox, but I went for all the wrong reasons.  I went for everybody else and not for me.  In the back of my head I knew once I came back out of detox I’d be going straight home to start drinking or doing whatever I was doing.  And that’s what I did.  It got so that I had to go to different detox places because I got tired of them seeing my face.   I always knew what I had to do while I was there.  I learned a lot about recovery, but still didn’t think I had a problem.

I kept getting arrested selling drugs.   I lost my apartment plenty of times, but I had keys to my family’s apartment.  Believe it or not, I didn’t know that I was really homeless because I didn’t have my own apartment.  But you couldn’t tell me I was homeless.  It took me a while to really sit back and get humble, to accept all this and get honest with myself but I did.  I surrendered.  I entered a 6-month residential program.  And I started to like cooking there.

When I graduated, I was referred to Project Renewal’s Culinary Arts Training Program.  This was a great experience.  My classmates and I studied together, we quizzed each other before graduation; we worked hard.  I loved my classmates and Chef Anthony and Edna and Cheryl and the counselors.  We worked as a team.  There are a lot of people in recovery here which keeps me aware of where I am and how I could be back out there in a heartbeat.  Ron Johnson and Barbara Hughes were great.  I listened to everything they taught me.  They taught me about interviewing and about how to get a job.  They set me up with interviews and everything.  And now I work at Project Renewal’s Comfort Foods.  My family laughs at me because before I couldn’t boil a pot of water!  Today my sister is still shocked that I have a food-handling license.

Today, I’m just grateful.  I just celebrated three years of sobriety.  My kids are in my life.  I’m living with my fiancée.  I am truly grateful to Project Renewal for giving me these skills and for hiring me. 

The people in here are wonderful.  I’m happy because they just had another graduation in the culinary class-I remember when I was a student – and when the students came upstairs, I treated them just as I was treated when I came up those stairs.  This February, I will have been here for two years, working at the same place.  It’s great.  And that’s all I have to say.  I’m just living life to the best of my ability.

I entered a treatment program with no real intentions to stop using.  After graduating, I got a job counseling.  I was good at giving advice but would never take it.  I didn’t attend meetings; I thought I could take on the whole world.  I started using again; I got tired of it; I went into a program again; I went to detox, and I went to rehab; I came back out—over and over again.  During this time I lost my mother and my sister.  Then when my father passed I just gave up on everything. I went on a tirade to self-destruct and when it didn’t happen I got up and said, “I am done with this.  I want help.”  That was 17 months and two days ago.  Intake counselor, Victor Sancho, came and did a presentation about a Project Renewal program called Renewal House and that’s where I went.

Renewal House’s methods of treatment were kind of unorthodox and at first I was very resistant.  It’s like a TC [therapeutic community], but modified.  They address the true nature of whatever it is you are going through and I wasn’t ready for that.  I started feeling the loss of my mother, sister and father and I had no trust.  I was full of anger.  My counselor, Mr. Wendell Parks, told me, “You’re only hurting yourself.  I’m not trying to hurt you, I’m just trying to bring out what you need to address so you can meet it and move on.”  And that’s what it was.

At Renewal House you’re given a lot of freedom.  You go to meetings; you have to work.  Work is an important part of the program.  I worked at the Times Square Alliance (the BID).  Immediately I started receiving accolades from my supervisors.  I continued to work hard and graduated early from the program.  Two weeks after I was hired at the BID, I was promoted to assistant supervisor and I’ve been on that path ever since.  

I will no longer take things for granted.  I like how people see me now.  When I say good morning, I get a smile and a good morning back.  Sometimes in Times Square I have to step over people and so every day I’m reminded of what it could have been and what it can be.  Every night I sit in my living room and I thank god.  I look around and say, “This is mine.  I’m keeping this.”  And I go by Renewal House o talk to the new guys to let them know I’m a graduate and that they can do it, too.

I was born in Florida and lived there until 2004. It seemed like I was always staying in shelters, and going from here to there.  Or, I would move in with somebody new and it wouldn’t work out and I’d end up in the shelter again.  I had a child.  He was taken away and after that it seemed like everything started to fall apart.  I was using drugs and I was a heavy drinker.  I got so tired of doing crack and selling everything that I had. 

At New Providence, I learned that it is important to have.  When you want something, and you keep doing drugs and it keeps being taken away, you’re not going to get anywhere.  So I decided this was my chance to build myself up and get strong enough to be on my own.  I came to St. Nicholas on August 8, 2004—a date I’ll never forget! 
The first thing I thought was, “Wow! They gave us sheets!”  That was a big thing.  Just being here gave me a foundation so I didn’t have to struggle anymore and I could say, “This is important to me: I’ve got my own place.  I have my own key.”  This really teaches you.  If I want to come in, I can.  If I want to go to a movie or to the store, it’s up to me.  It’s a big deal.  Some people don’t see it that way, but it is.

I love being here.  I feel safe.  I feel content.  When I come in, I feel okay.  When I walk in the door, I say, “Yes! That’s my apartment!”  You just can’t explain it:  You have your own place, you’re not moving; you have roots somewhere.  There’s a computer downstairs; if I need it I can use it.  If I need help with something, the staff will help me.  Whatever it is, they’ll find a way to get me the help I need.

Now I’m taking my GED and after that I want to be a nurse.  I’ve always liked helping people and now I am going to be able to do it.

Robert is the Clinton Residence's most famous resident, being the subject of several books by his brother, noted author Jay Neugeboren and a new documentary, "Imagining Robert" (http://www.imaginingrobert.org) by filmmaker Larry Hott.

"For 37 years", notes Hott, "[Robert] has lived within the mental health system, his treatment prognosis changing with each new doctor and each new 'cure'.

He has been in state hospitals, city hospitals, halfway houses, group homes, jail cells, elite treatment centers, forensic hospitals... Most often, though, he has had an abundance of drugs and a sad lack of care."

Now, however, as a result of working with the staff at Clinton Residence, Robert is a living miracle. Despite decades of doctors' predictions that he would never be able to live outside an institution, Robert is enjoying the longest period of stability he's had since the onset of his disease nearly forty years ago: he has not been hospitalized in over six years. Robert is a successful member of Fountain House, the local psychosocial club where he works in the International Training Unit assisting with tours and education, in addition to working in a Transitional Employment position once or twice a month. As his brother notes, "It's amazing - he is thriving at Project Renewal. I feel like I have the brother I remember back."

You'd have thought with his background, William would have had many more problems at an earlier age: he was abandoned at the age of two by his alcoholic parents, along with eight siblings. All of his sisters and brothers ended up having substance abuse problems. Both his parents eventually died from complications related to alcohol. But it wasn't until the mother of his two-month old daughter left him for his best friend that William first tried crack. That, as Williamsays, was the moment he wrecked his life.
Homeless and addicted, William spent the next eleven years of his life on the streets and in and out of shelters and jails. Luckily, there are second chances in life. Having, as they say in recovery programs, 'got sick and tired of being sick and tired,' while in jail, William applied to several residential treatment programs. One, run by Project Renewal in New York, accepted him and he spent the next nine months confronting a lifetime's worth of demons for the first time. Once he'd graduated, Project Renewal got him a job - as a porter at a Brooklyn church - and an apartment funded by the Shelter Plus Care program. From there, William progressed rapidly. He started working at Project Renewal, first as a porter, then a resident aide working with other homeless men in recovery, then as a recreational therapist and finally as housing coordinator. His success in getting clients into permanent housing led to a bonus from the city for exceeding our goal for moving long-term shelter stayers into homes.

Meanwhile, while finishing up his treatment, William re-met his childhood sweetheart with whom he'd grown up in the South Bronx. They started dating right before William moved into his Shelter Plus Care apartment. Then, on his sobriety anniversary, in a room filled with other men in recovery, he got down on his knees and proposed marriage. She accepted and they were married on June 21, 1997. They bought their first home (complete with their own mortgage) in 2002. The next year, William applied for and gained custody of his teenage daughter from whom he had been estranged for many years. In 2004, he and his wife adopted William's nephew who had been languishing in foster care.

William is now a director of a treatment program in New Jersey.

I’m originally from Haiti but I’ve been in New York for a long time.  I was living in a shelter and I ended up in the hospital.  In the shelter I was in, they didn’t even give me enough food.  At one point I was sent to the psychiatry hospital, and then I was transferred to Project Renewal’s New Providence Shelter. 

New Providence was very different from the shelter.  I didn’t have any problems with food there, and most importantly, they were very supportive.  That is really what I wanted and it was very helpful for me.

After New Providence I moved to Project Renewal’s Clinton Residence.  I shared a room with someone that I liked; I had a bed to sleep on. I didn’t have to worry anymore.  Project Renewal is supportive; they were always there when I needed them. If I had a problem I just had to say it and they would find a solution.

Since I left Project Renewal, I feel confident. I do things on my own; I don’t need anybody’s help.  It wasn’t that way before.  I’m living in a place where I am more independent.  I am planning to move out from here next year.  It makes me feel good inside.

Now I’m even working as a Home Health Aide.  I got the job myself from the newspaper.  I did it on my own.  I love working with the elderly: I bathe them, I cook for them, I clean for them, and I do grocery shopping for them. It’s a lot of responsibility but I enjoy it.

Recently they had a reunion at the Clinton. It was the first reunion I ever had.  It was a lot of fun to see people who were there before and meet face to face again.  Project Renewal was a great experience and I am happy. I have a good life now. 

I started drinking when I was twelve, the year the Administration for Children’s Services split me, my brothers and sister up.  My parents were both alcoholic child abusers.  My younger brother and I went together to a boys’ home, and when we got too old for that, moved into the Y.  We got kicked out for drinking and smoking marijuana, and I joined the service. 

They tell you in basic training if you drink a little, by the time you leave you drink a lot.  I found this to be oh-so-true.  My drinking just progressed over the years. I knew it was a problem, but I was able to fool a lot of people; I was still functioning.  It got where I would black out, wake up not knowing where I was or how I got there.  Eventually I crashed and burned.

I ended up in a shelter – I called it the Brooklyn Zoo.  If there were no beds, people slept outside on crates.  I got into TORCH, a sobriety program at the Veteran’s Administration, but it was difficult to maintain sobriety because I was going back to that hellhole at night.  Not to make excuses, but there was no way I could stay sober there. 

One day I was at TORCH and the Director of Project Renewal’s In Homes Now came in.  The concept just made so much sense. You can’t expect someone to go to appointments when they are stinky, hungry, and probably didn’t get a good night’s rest.  You’re just waiting for them to fail because that’s what’s going to happen.

The first two years in the program I struggled with my sobriety.  The beautiful thing is I wasn’t kicked onto the street.  They were always there to support and give me alternatives.  No matter how much I screwed up, they were always there to pick up the pieces.  And I was still heavily screwing up. 

It seemed like nothing could stop me - not even getting my head split open in a fight.  I was drinking as soon as I got out of the hospital.  My younger brother took his own life. It really shocked me; you’re never ready for something like that.   It was always Wren and Mike, the dynamic duo.  That didn’t stop me either; in a way it fueled the fire.

Then my neighbor, one of my drinking buddies, got really ill.  I went to see him in the hospital…wow.  They said his liver just quit; he looked like a balloon.  His stomach, arms, and legs were huge and rock hard.  I started thinking, I have so many people on my side and I seem to be the only one against me.

I got a job at the VA Hospital and the people instantly fell in love with me.  They don’t judge me and have found me to be very trustworthy.  The job helps a lot with my sobriety.  I also started seeing a shrink and that helped a lot. I’ve spent a lot of crying hours; I’m not ashamed to say. The musician Lyfe Jennings says crying is like taking your soul to the Laundromat, and I really relate to that.

I got to Project Renewal because I ended up in a situation I never should have been in.  But, you live and learn.

I'm originally from Philly, and I have an Associates Degree in small business and retail. About a year and a half ago, some friends that lived in Staten Island said come to New York, and we’ll get you a job, come live with us. These were people that I knew all my life.  Me being stupid, I came to New York with all the money I had - $5,000. Once my money was gone, they put me out.  Don’t get me wrong, I was drinking at the time, but I didn't know they were into the hard stuff. 

So there I was.  I had no money; I had no family. I had my two little suitcases and I went up to Central Park, where I was sleeping on the bench. One day I got ripped off for my suitcases when I was asleep.  An outreach program saw me, asked if I needed help, and I said yes.

I went to two different shelters, first in Brooklyn and then at Project Renewal’s New Providence Women’s Shelter.  I signed myself up for outpatient Alcoholics Anonymous, and I graduated from there. I haven’t had a drink in almost a year and a half.  They say the first year is the hardest, and believe me it is.  Would I pick up a beer again? No, because one is never enough. 

After four months working at Project Comeback – a group that gives homeless people jobs cleaning in Soho - I went to Project Renewal’s Next Step employment program, where I met Dolan Byrnes, the Job Retention Coordinator. While I was working, Project Renewal put half of my salary away, which was helpful because when I finally got out on my own, I had that money saved up.

Last November Project Renewal set up an interview for me at Montclair State. I went in on Thursday and got hired on Friday. I’ve been there ever since. A lot of people there are also connected with Project Renewal and everybody gets along. We all help each other out.  My bosses love me.  They say I’m a hard worker; my supervisor said I’m the best utility worker they’ve ever had.

Project Renewal, I can honestly say, was willing to go out of their way to help me. I know of no other program that pays your way back and forth to work. Say I got fired tomorrow: they will help me find another job.  Rather than see you back out on the street, they will work with you. They’re very helpful and I’m very grateful. I thank them for this job.

I’ll never go back. A lot of people say never, but trust me, I’ll never go back.  I love working.  It’s stressful, but I can say its mine.  It feels good getting up in the morning, having a couple of bucks in your pocket not worrying about where you’re going to sleep, what you’re going to eat.  I’d love to get a studio. I’ve been dying for a big, flat-screen TV.  I have a little bit of money saved up. I’m a strong-willed person and a survivor, and I’m going to do what I need to do to get there.

I started on my quest for failure a long time ago, when I was nine years old.  That was 39 years ago.  I did my drinking and my drugs: basically I beat myself down, I didn’t give myself an opportunity to blossom. Because by now I would have been dead, I know that, with the life that I was leading. 

Well, when you start putting your finger on it, I saw I was messing up.  What really hurt me, too, was I lost my son. I couldn’t make it to my own son’s funeral.  I always wanted to be there for him, but I couldn’t be there for nobody unless I could be there for me.

To be honest with you, from the grace of God I came here to Project Renewal. It was all a process of blessing, and I have nothing but great and honest gratitude for what I now stand for.

I came to Culinary Arts in 1997, and I’ve been here ever since.  I’m proud to say I’m the first man ever to be hired at Viacom on an internship. It always comes back to the kitchen. See, this is my house because it gave me life; this is my house and I have nothing but sheer gratitude for being here.  Because Project Renewal gave me faith that I didn’t even have in myself.

I had to get up at 11 at night to do my homework, but I still was up in the morning, to go to morning and afternoon classes as well.  That’s the way I had to deal with me.

At one point I was quitting Culinary Arts and Barbara Hughes (the Director) caught me at the door, and she stopped me.  I don’t call her boss; I call her Ma for that pep talk she gave me. I lost my mother and my father since I’ve worked here, and Barbara was there for me, and I respect that.  I gave up on me, and she didn't.  The sincerity of the contribution Project Renewal gave to me implanted in me the determination to stay clean.

See, I lived in the kitchen from the first week I’ve been in that kitchen, till today, (laughs) going on 11 years now. I’ve been in there ever since. I’ve been in recovery going on 11 years. See, another thing: it's a birthday present my mother gets every year on her birthday, that’s my Year Clean Day.  From my Culinary Arts class, a colleague of mine is on Wall Street right now.  He finished high school.  Project Renewal puts you where you need to be.

I didn't think I’d make it past 25.  I’m about to double it.  Never believed it.  Cause I’m so used to, “He ain’t gonna be nothing.” That’s what Project Renewal gave me - the option to go for the positive instead of the negative.  That's why you stand firm. I’m just a walking testimony, that’s all it is.

People see the sincerity in you and therefore anything you can drop on them, there’s a chance they can prosper from it.  That’s the way it came to me and that’s the same way I bring it.  It isn’t just pride anymore. I’m a piece of work, like all of us. But me, I’m really just sincere in making a difference about something.

I was born in Manhattan, grew up in Astoria, Queens, and lived in New Jersey for about 20 years.  I have a Bachelors of Business Administration from Pace University and worked on Wall Street for over 25 years.  In 1994 I got downsized. I lost my job, separated from my wife, and became homeless.  I was homeless for 10 years. They say I have bi-polar disorder.  I was only diagnosed about four years ago.  I may have had it all along and never realized it.

Just before I got to Project Renewal I was in a nursing home.  I didn’t belong there, but I had no place else to go at the time. It’s terrible; you don't have people to talk to because most of the people are completely out of it.  You don't have any freedom either; you’re confined. It’s terrible. It’s not a good way to live.

I’ve been here [at LeonaBlanche House] three years. I really like the building: it’s kept very well, it’s spotless. The apartments are beautiful.  The staff is very nice, very helpful, and they always treat you with respect.

Being here is a normal way of living. You have your own apartment, you have your privacy; you can come and go as you please. I’m in a better frame of mind because I have a place to live.  Not just a place—a nice place.  The surroundings and the people here have been a big part of my recovery. This environment has helped me more than all the medicine and therapy, more than anything else. I feel I’m back to normal.  The staff tell me that I’ve progressed a lot.  Jackie Slayton, who’s the Clinical Director, has seen a big change in me. 

I always enjoyed going to Broadway shows during my life.  Obviously when I was homeless I couldn't do that. I remember walking through the Theater District when I was homeless and saying to myself, I’ll never be able to go to one of those again. Just this year I’ve been to nine different shows! I’m making up for lost time.

You never know what’s going to happen in your life. For over 25 years I was in a very active business, and then I went from making good money to zero.  I had everything I wanted and then all of a sudden things went the other way.  Because I was homeless for that length of time, I learned to appreciate certain things more than what I did before.  You always take for granted you’ve got some place to live, or a bed to sleep in every night.  Nothing is guaranteed: I lost all that.  But I got my life back. That’s the way I feel.

Project Renewal has been very good to me.  There are a lot of people who have mental illness, schizophrenia, or bi-polar disorder like me that are out there homeless, just wandering around with no help.  They’re only going to get worse.  Project Renewal is helping these people get back to a normal way of living, and I think that’s really necessary.

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